He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I need a burrito and a hug.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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