your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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