Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
