I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
