Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
