no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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