Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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