this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
