so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
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I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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