I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
