There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
