it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
