Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
