I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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