need another drink. this is the easiest way
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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