I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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