Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
