don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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