I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
