I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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