so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You made out with two different species that night
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
