I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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