I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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