Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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