Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
