I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
