it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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