Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
