you win again, gameday.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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