Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you traded sex for a burrito?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
