I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
