carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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