A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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