remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
