you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize