If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
