around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
