I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
