Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
