The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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