Please, let me fuck your mom
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
