Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
