Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
