My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
