I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
