it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
