I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
