I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
