that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
