If you die in college, do you die in real life?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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