Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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