we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
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sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
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i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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