I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
