cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
