...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
