you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
