You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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