We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
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Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
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Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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