I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
