I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
