My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
