Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
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Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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