don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
