1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
