I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
