Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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