Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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