Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
