I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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