...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
