her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
