i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
