Me too!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
