The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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