Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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