can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
