I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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