By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
