I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
